Just one story I couldn't fit in the sermon, although I really wanted to:
The great conductor, Arturo Toscinini was presiding at a rehearsal and one of his violins was just awful. The conductor chewed this poor guy up one side and down the other, thoroughly humiliating him in the process. Finally the hapless musician can't take any more. He stands up, tucks his fiddle under his arm, and marches toward the stage door. But, just as he gets there, he turns to Toscinini and yells, "Well, nuts to you!!!!" And Toscinini answers, "No! It's too late for apologies!"